Did you get boned by finals? Not looking forward to your holiday season? Not excited about the new year? Then man up and kill yourself! Since you’re going to end it all, you might as well do it in style. Earn a place in Penn history by committing suicide in one the following awesome ways:
1. Impalement on a Huntsman Spike
2. Fratricide – Gettin’ offed by your bros at ritual
3. Swimmin’ with the fishes in the Biopond
4. “OCR Special” – Asphyxiation by Cover Letter
5. Amy Gutmann Hunger Strike – We Won’t Eat Until She Does!
6. Decide not to pledge a fraternity or sorority during Rush (Social suicide, eugh!)
7. Get into a minor argument with Prof. Rafael Robb
8. Have sex through a high-rise window
9. “Assassin Pros and Contract Killer Hos” party
10. Transfer out. Drexelent!