by Walker Hawkins

If you’ve ever visited ThePunchBowl.net before, you’ve probably realized that the one thing we lack is originality. With that said, here’s another Thanksgiving themed piece.

A conversation with my parents sometime during Thanksgiving:

Parents: “We’re so glad to have you home, how was your flight?”
Me: “It was ok, kind of long, but it wasn’t too bad.”
P: “Good. How has your semester been so far?”
M: “It’s been alright, a lot of work you know, but it could be worse.”
P: “Well, your sister has been doing really well in school, plus she’s on both varsity basketball and volleyball.”
M: “Oh really? Good for her.”
P: “Yeah, they say with her grades and all of her extracurricular activities she can pretty much go wherever she wants.”
M: “That’s nice”
P: “She’s really something, we’re so proud of her, she’s really going places. We’re just so lucky to have a child like her.”
M: “Yeah, she really is something…”
P: “Something, she’s our everything. We’re just glad you’re getting a decent education; we were always convinced you wouldn’t even go to college.”
M: “What?!”
P: “Yeah, for the longest time, we just thought you would live at home until your mother and I finally decided to leave in the middle of the night while you were sleeping.”
M: “You know Penn is the fifth ranked university in the country right?”
P: “5th, have you every heard of little university known as Harvard? They say that’s where you’re sister could go if she keeps on the same path.”
M: “I’m in the Wharton School!”
P: “Is that the special education program they have at Penn?”
M: “It’s the business school…ranked #1 in the country.”
P: “I’m pretty sure that’s not right.”
M: “How do you not know that, you’re paying for it?”
P: “We never really paid attention, like I said, we were just glad that you got out of the house.”
M: “You’re paying $50,000 a year just to get me out of the house?”
P: “Money well spent I’d say.”
M: “I’m going to my room.”
P: “Alright fine, but please don’t masturbate, we’re having dinner in 30 minutes…by the way, why don’t you get a girlfriend?”
M: “I have one…”
P: “You don’t need to lie to me, I’m your father…”
M: “I swear, I do, she’s great…”
P: “I think you mean “he”?”
M: “Alright I’m leaving…”
P: “You know your sister would never talk to us like that.”