The University of Pennsylvania recently placed a student (henceforth referred to as A) on academic probation after another student (B) accused them of cheating during an organic chemistry exam. Student B could not identify the method of cheating. They testified that student A appeared to go through the exam without stress, even on key questions. “I’ve worked with many intelligent peers in my life, but even they felt nerves in the heaviest moments,” student B remarked in a public statement on r/UPenn. They went on to say that they could not comment further for fear of repercussions.
The claim comes after Student A had already created controversy after previous exams. Several students have reported Student A acting arrogant about their exam scores and general academic abilities. When asked about their studying strategies or thoughts about the exams, student A simply replied, “the grade speaks for itself.”
No concrete evidence for violations of fair play have been found. However, the accusations have stirred up many conversations about student A. In a statement on Reddit, they admitted they had cheated twice in high school. They went on to state that was because they were just a child at the time. Thye now view the incidents as shameful.
“I only did it so I could rise to the top and enroll in the magnet program,” they said. “I meant no harm to anyone.”
Penn students have crafted several interesting and creative theories on how student A has cheated despite the lack of evidence. One popular idea suggests that student A had received inside information about the exam questions. Another believes student A used vibrating anal beads during the exam. The beads would be controlled by somebody on the outside. “It would be difficult for an average person to cheat in this manner,” remarked an anonymous academic weapon on SideChat, “but for intellectuals at Penn, just a few buzzes at key moments can turn the tide of an exam.”
In an effort to increase security measures and reduce the risk of cheating, the professor has instituted a mandate to scan every student with a metal wand prior to entering the exam room. Notably, student A cited that the professor wanded him “extremely closely,” including a short hovering period around their buttocks. This appears to be clear evidence that the anal bead theory has believers.
Student A has countered the pressure from their peers, their professor, and the university with a 100-million-dollar lawsuit claiming libel and slander from all three parties.