Medical School Accepts Student for Exemplary Call-of-Duty Military Service
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Dean Stephen Goldbum plunged Georgetown’s School of Medicine into controversy today when he announced that the school had disregarded traditional selection criteria in favor of Call of Duty trophies, headshots, and sweet pwnage videos.
Alan Michaels, a junior at Penn State University, has become the first medical school applicant to be accepted under the terms of the G.I. Bill for his one hundred and seventy three tours of duty in the recent game, ‘Call of Duty: Black Ops.’ Instead of submitting his GPA and MCAT scores, the first virtual veteran submit both his multiplayer and campaign (on Expert) scores to the school’s admissions committee.
At a press conference, Dr. Goldblum stated, “Due to this man’s exemplary and courageous Call-of-Duty service, the School of Medicine has decided to forego usual protocol and accept Michaels before his scheduled graduation.” Citing Michaels’ credentials, Goldblum argues, “With over 3000 Purple Hearts, 15,816 confirmed kills, and hundreds of n00bs pwned, Michaels is an example to us all. He’s given so much to his Xbox and Xbox Live community. It’s time to give something back.”
At press time Michaels was seen celebrating by tea-bagging his unconscious organic chemistry teacher.