Pirate Investigator


She walked into me cabin like a sea-faring lad about to walk the plank. She had dark lagoons for eyes, and her slender peg-legs ran forever like a mighty ship in favorable winds. Yarrrr! If I didn’t keep all me hands on deck, I’d love to put two on her. But I could tell right away that something was up her crawdad.

“AHOY!,” I called to the wench before taking another swig of grog. “What can I help ye with?” She gazed skyward and I yearned to read her face like a map, but I was lost in her two black spots. A dreadful omen in any swashbuckler’s book.

“I need ye to track down the bilge dog Davy Jones who marooned me without any pieces of eight to me name. I am afeard his heart belongs to another. I’ve placed a sizable bounty on his head, and I want that scallywag dead or alive!” Her golden curls glimmered in the porthole light.

“Avast! As much as I’d like to get some of yer booty,” said I, looking down at it, “some of me crew performed a mutiny and abandoned me ship.” Gazing upon her booty, I was reminded of me first mate, a fleshy fire-headed wench who I passed many a night with in the back seat of me old man’s dingy. It occurred to me suddenly that it had been far too long since I’d had a sextant.

Breaking me from me stupor, she pressed on, even-keeled as the most sea-worthy vessel, “Nay, Captain! Yer the only buccaneer who can aid me. I wanted a pirate investigator, and they say yer the best.” I looked starboard. I looked portside. I looked at the wench in me galley, and I saw she was no landlubber. “I’ll give ye 2000 dubloons for yer troubles.”

“Arrr” said I, “I’ll take up me anchor and hunt down this scoundrel if ye join me crew, and keep me poop deck swabbed at all times.”

“Shiver me timbers!” said she, “I just met ye and yer asking me to swab your poop deck?” Before the wench could demur, I scampered up to the crow’s nest and rigged the jib.

“Tharr she blows!” yelled I to me crew. The wench blushed at the hidden truth to me statement, and the Mary Marie set sail to find Davy Jones.

A.T. Piskai, Pirate Investigator

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