Waka Flocka Flame Announces Candidacy for President, Worse Things Have Still Happened to America

In the mid-afternoon of April 20th, 2015, rapper Waka Flocka Flame announced his candidacy for President of the United States in an interview with Rolling Stone. This comes as no surprise, following a tweet from November of 2012 saying that he is “dead ass running for president in 2016.”

In the interview Flame describes some of objectives of his potential presidency. First, and unsurprisingly, he will legalize marijuana. Next he will advocate to remove dogs from restaurants, and ban people who wear larger than a size 13 shoe from walking public. Flame “doesn’t want to see those big-ass feet taking up all the sidewalk.”  While the candidacy is likely a publicity stunt to gain listenership (successfully, we might add), Waka Flocka Flame becoming President of the United States of America would not be the worst thing to happen to the United States of America.

Things worse for America than Waka Flocka Flame winning the presidency:

  • Purses made to carry dogs
  • Global Warming
  • $20 Cover at Rumor
  • Supersize Menus
  • The Trail of Tears
  • Bans on sodas larger than 16oz
  • Nickelback
  • Exams on 4/20
  • Police Brutality
  • Tapas Menus
  • The shrinking middle class
  • People in the right lane at a red light who are not turning right
  • Airline Food
  • The first shot when you’re really hungover
  • The NSA
  • Liquor Control Board
  • Highest number of “Death By Reptile” reportings in the world
  • Being out of toothpaste but forgetting to go to CVS
  • Gentrification
  • Declining Average SAT scores
  • $17,000,000,000,000 National Debt
  • Extinction of American Elm Tree
  • Swine Flu
  • Finishing too quickly
  • Not being able to finish at all
  • Waka Flocka Flame recording music
  • Another Bush in the White House

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