Secret Wharton Club EXPOSED!!

Everyone wonders about the men in suits we all see in Wharton. Where are they going? Is that Armani? Do they have an interview? Wait jk is that Joseph A Bank lol? Why are they better than me?

Well I am here to say that I finally have the answers to all of these questions. After year(s) of research I have finally been able to learn the truth. I can tell you where the guys in suits are going and why there are so many of them.

Huntsman has a secret society.

The Secret Society of the Suited Humans in Huntsman Hall or SSSHHH (pronounced “shh”) has been around for years now. Supposedly founded back in the days before Ronald Perelman gave Amy so many dollars, this club consists of all of the most seemingly relevant people in Wharton.

The club, as my anonymous informant has informed me, has only a few rules.

  1. Don’t talk about SSSHHH
  2. Don’t talk about SSSHHH
  3. Wear a suit a whole bunch
  4. Come to our suited GBMs
  5. Tell people you’ve got “a thing” if asked about your suit
  6. Live and die by the SABS
  7. Shh when it comes to ssshhh

They hold GBM’s weekly in Huntsman and call them “OCR events” so that the unworthy stay away. However, all these events really are is a discussion of the merits of the two-button suit and the notched lapel.

Be careful everyone: now that the world knows the secret, everything will change. So next time you see a guy in Huntsman in a suit, beware, and try to get invited to their meeting.

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