Voting is not for Everyone: Why Some of us Should NOT Vote Tomorrow

There has been a lot of talk about Democracy these days. Both political parties accuse the other of subverting the sacred institution our country holds dear. Perhaps the most integral to our American liberty is the right to vote.

But I am here to tell you that this is complete nonsense

Most of you don’t deserve to vote, and I hope there is an Executive Order on the horizon to address this. If you fall into any of these categories, avoid the ballot box for the sake of everyone else.

  1. You think the migrant caravan is a traveling circus whose charter has been revoked.
  2. You protested the Kavanaugh Hearings because it discriminates against deaf people.
  3. You have never voted in a midterm election because the word midterm triggers you
  4. You get pissed off at Russian Bots because it means Putin has an army of robots ready to declare war on us.
  5. You have never seen Finding Dory.
  6. The most-listened to artist on your Spotify is Tim McGraw.
  7. You have more than three flavors of yogurt in the fridge.
  8. You find the name of the color “eggshell” offensive.
  9. You are secretly two kids in a trench coat.
  10. Your chill-to-pull ratio is above 7.
  11. You’ve never been in a bar fight.
  12. You’ve been in too many bar fights.
  13. You’ve never been convicted of a felony.
  14. You are connected to Kevin Bacon by more than 6 degrees.

**Please vote!

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