Office of Admissions Unveils New Policy for Prospective Students

It’s admissions season, and Penn has changed the rules of the game. Dean of Admissions Eric Furda announced yesterday that all undergraduate classes beginning with the Class of 2024 will be subject to the following admissions protocol:


40,000 applicants enter line in front of College Hall. Dean Furda stands at top of steps with backward baseball cap and red solo cup.

Applicants approach stairs one-by-one. Furda asks, “Who do you know?”

If said applicant is deemed worthy of entrance, Furda allows the applicant to take a selfie with Ben Franklin statue and enter College Hall.

If said applicant fails to meet admissions criteria, Furda tells the applicant to “take a lap.” (It’s crowded inside College Hall, anyway.)  The applicant will wander around West Philly for 4 months before rejoining the line.

Rejected applicants may choose to gain entrance to another university, or give up and go to Wawa instead.

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