Punch Bowl Staff

Creators of Penn Course Review Launch New Website

As the end of the semester rapidly approaches, so does the period for Penn course evaluations.

Although students may see Penn Course Review as a successful tool, many professors have expressed frustration. A professor who prefers to stay anonymous released an official statement:

 “I don’t think it’s fair for students to roast us on both the OUPSCC Meme Page AND Penn Course Review. We deserve a platform as well!”

Therefore, Penn Labs, (who brought to you Penn Course Review), is proud to announce the launch of their new site, **Penn Students Review(ed).  

For the first time in history, course evaluations will go both ways, and professors will be able to evaluate their students on a more holistic level (because holding the fate of many GPAs isn’t enough, apparently). We were able to obtain an exclusive preview of what to expect:

 

Students will be judged in the following criteria:

Quality of work: 1-4

  • Font is in anything BUT comic sans
  • Was it submitted at 11:59 pm?
  • Do I agree with your argument? (probably not)
  • Paper was submitted alongside a headshot and resume??
  • Their DMs on Tinder are probably more well-written than their final paper

Quality of Student: 1-4

  • Tardiness
  • Truancy
  • Do I recognize their face?
  • Do they recognize mine?
  • Do they send me dumb emails?
  • No, I don’t care that you are sorry that you have to miss my 350 person lecture that will be recorded on Canvas anyways

Receptivity to course material: 1-4

  • Are they awake?
  • Are they sober?
  • If they are hungover, do they at least have the courtesy to try and cover it up?
  • Do they think they know more about my field than I do?

 

Additional Comments:

“I wish I could ban them from Piazza.”

“Who is this?”

“Kiss up.”

“No, I will NOT write them a letter of rec for med school.”

“Their very existence is an insult to my numerous accolades and PhD.”

“Will not stop mansplaining in my gender studies class. Tempted to shoot him with a tranquilizer on more than one occasion.”

“I am 100% certain that she online shops during my lectures. She whips out her credit card out so often that I already have the number memorized.”

“I have never made actual eye contact with this student since I’ve only see them asleep.”

“I KNOW for a fact that my pun about mitosis did not warrant 5 full seconds of hysterical laughing.”

“Extremely well rounded… literally. Performed exceptionally well. Definitely would recommend. ;)”

 

**Not to be confused with The Penn Review.

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