Awareness of “SEPTA” Increases Among Student Population

Parallel lines of metal line the centers of streets. A high-pitched whine emanates from no place in particular. Throngs of people disappear down nondescript stairways, replaced by women carrying grocery bags and teenagers watching WorldStar at full volume.

More and more Penn students are starting to notice these mysterious phenomena — the products of a Philly-based organization called SEPTA. Rumored to be an acronym for “South East Pennsylvania Taxidermists Association,” SEPTA operates bus, trolley, commuter rail, and rapid transit services for 4 million people across 5 counties in Southeastern PA.

“It’s like UberPOOL, but better!” explained College sophomore Jeff Kneuppel. “You don’t have to make small talk with anyone — especially not the sweaty man yelling in the front of the car.”

Others are less excited about the service’s increasing popularity, citing limited pick-up/drop-off locations, bumpy rides, and how you can’t summon a ride from your phone.

Also rising in student awareness: cooking, which is some sort of new analog for Grubhub, except the food comes from inside the house and you have to make it yourself.

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