“Don’t Worry Mom, I’m Totally #Thriving At Penn. Last Week I-“

  • Went to Weingarten Centre to socialize
  • Shopped at ACME
  • Walked past three tourists sitting on the Franklin bench and said nothing
  • Joined the Red and Blue Call Center (They told me it was like a family!)
  • Pissed on the Perry World House welcome mat
  • Fell off my stool to climb into my lifted bed and broke my ankle
  • Dropped my pre-med dreams to do HSOC
  • Fried eggs for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a midnight snack
  • Got waitlisted for an interview for a charity club
  • Confidently misanswered the easy answer in class
  • Called my mom to ask what I should have for dinner (I’m on a meal plan)
  • Broke my leg jumping in a pool to show my friends that I’m cool
  • Projectile vomited over my target rug (I’m a senior)
  • Packed up my laundry and went home so my mom could do it
  • Paid $50 to some guy on Reddit so they would drop ECON001
  • Went to a Frat
  • Got denied entry at a Frat
  • Tried to wash my rug in the washing machine
  • Fell asleep in every single class
  • Shaved my roommate’s head while he was drunk
  • Failed my first of 5 “midterms”
  • Got woken up at 3 am by the fire alarm while half dressed and evacuated in a fluffy robe and slippers as hot people came back from frat parties 
  • Only cried twice listening to Kate Bush’s ‘Running up that Hill’
  • Got called out by my professor for being 20 seconds late
  • Got blackout, woke up to find myself bald
  • Went home
  • Ran out of breath walking over the hill onto locust from commons 
  • Went to a party, sweated a gallon, and then walked home

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