Walk down Locust on any sunny Spring day, and you’re sure to see undergrads sprawled over every square inch of grass – laptops out, tanning oil open, frisbees flying. It’s hard to find yourself a spot to sit and relax on days like these, where it seems like nature’s beauty is appreciated by all. But walk back down the next day – when some clouds have rolled in, and it falls below room temperature – and shit looks like a campus full of everyone who’s ever eaten ass and regretted it (absolutely empty).

This type of thing pisses me off, so I’ve coined the term “Fait-Weather Fans” to describe these schmucks. It’s pretty clear that they claim to be fans of Mother Nature, but they refuse to take part in any but her finest moments. When I suffer through the long winters posted up on a park bench by myself for six hours, I don’t expect to have to share my bench with you assholes just because it’s convenient. Either tough it out or stay inside forever; it’s only fair.