Chaos at OCR as Wharton is Ghosted by Every Company

The events of this past week have been described using adjectives from “unprecedented” to “unbelievable”. Shock is written on the faces of hopeful undergraduates both young and old, intelligent and, well, connected. The cause for this high-stakes drama just weeks into the new semester?

Every single company signed up to visit Penn for On-Campus Recruiting (OCR) has failed to show up.

In past years, firms of all sorts (just kidding, only the rich ones) found a home base for recruiting the top business minds (and some other types of minds) at The University of Pennsylvania. From August to Thanksgiving, it is impossible to cross campus without spotting an ill-fitting suit, a Penn Bookstore pad-folio with the barcode still stuck on it, and a ridiculous line in front of the Inn at Penn. But this year, the suits were hung back in the closet, the pad-folios remained on the shelves, and the Inn at Penn was reduced to whatever purpose it usually serves (which we still do not know to this very day).

No one has been able to uncover the reason why each and every company, from Amazon to Zoosk, was unaccounted for on the date of their info session. Penn administrators could not be reached for comment, so the Punch Bowl asked students on their thoughts about the severed relationships.

“I think they just weren’t feeling the spark with us after last year, and they were too shy to break the relationship off in writing,” surmised a Wharton Junior.

“Maybe they found another school that fulfilled their needs better. Or they thought that we just weren’t worth the investment,” a College* Senior posited.

“Maybe they were only looking for a one-time thing”, quipped the jaded Engineering student we caught trying to convert a Van Pelt water fountain into a hydraulic lift.

Whatever the reason, all attempts to contact the companies of interest have failed. Despite this, there have been numerous status updates on these firms’ social media accounts, which all parties involved agree is a slap in the face.


*This student wanted to make it clear that he is also in Wharton for a dual-degree.

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