What To Do When Your Emotional Support Animal Application Is Revoked

Of course I wanted to have a cat/dog/hamster/other-furry-being as an emotional support animal to deal with my super stressful life as a pre-law PPE major, but I was super duper disappointed when my RA told me that I couldn’t just sneak a pet into the dorm room because I had to help keep my “hall community safe.”

My RA told me that if I wanted to have an ESA animal that I had to complete a CAPS ESA application. After the harrowing process of a lengthy 2 page double spaced application, 2 minute phone interview, 5 minute in person interview that I had to walk allllllllll the way to CAPS for, my application was DENIED. Sad face.

So, what’s a girl supposed to do when she can’t get her emotional support animal application approved? Here are some of the alternatives I’ve tried that worked for me:

  1. Adopt one of the rats already living in the dorms: Rodents are the only furry beings welcomed in Penn’s student housing with no application.
  2. Purchase a large teddy bear with a cute red bow necklace from Amazon: All of my emotional issues have been solved by a $39.99 large stuffed teddy bear.
  3. Pet the hair ball clogging up the shared shower drain: If you close your eyes, it feels almost like a dog after a walk in the rain.
  4. Get head lice: They may not be the best pets, but you do get pretty attached to them.
  5. Tame the squirrel outside your window: All you need is cold pizza and patience and you’ve got yourself an on-call pet.
  6. Ask your boyfriend to move in with you: While not technically a pet, I’ve found myself taking care of, feeding, and cleaning up after mine more than a puppy.

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