Embarrassment for USA: ISIS Leader Killed Was Actually Head of Egyptian Goddess’ Fan Club

While many rejoiced at the news last week that the leader of the terrorist group ISIS had been killed, a key detail has just been made public turning exaltation into shame. Due to what could only be described as a devastating clerical error, United States NAVY Seals spent months planning, training for, and eventually executing a mission to kill the president of a fan club for the Ancient Egyptian goddess Isis.

The discovery was made when Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the real terrorist leader thought to have been killed in the mission, tweeted out his incredulity Saturday morning. The man our military actually killed just happened to have the same name.

The innocent al-Baghdadi killed in the mission was Egyptian-born, and allegedly bore a strong resemblance to the terrorist al-Baghdadi according to reliably racist sources.* The Egyptian al-Baghdadi had demonstrated a passion for Ancient Egyptian studies, evidenced by his social media presence. He amassed upwards of 30 thousand followers on various platforms, under the handle @IloveISIS, dedicated to enthusiasm for the Egyptian Goddess of Queens and Mothers.

For reasons as yet unclear to the Punch Bowl, al-Baghdadi and the rest of his Isis fan club decided to go on a field trip to the Idlib Province of Syria, planning to camp out in a remote tunnel. When asked why this location was chosen for the club’s field trip, given that Syria is hundreds of miles away, a spokesperson for the club commented, “There was a sick Airbnb with a hot tub and a bar available. I’m not sure why, but we got a great deal.”

The White House has yet to issue an apology to those affected by the blunder, but they are expected to issue 50% off coupons to the Smithsonian, renowned for its Egyptology collection, to the family of al-Baghdadi.

*people who cannot tell Aziz Ansari and Kumail Nanjiani apart.

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