It is with great sadness that Penn basketball fans mourn the passing of the “Hey Song” chant. Frankly, I think basketball games are a pretty good place for the “Hey—you suck” chant. However, there are some places where sports chants don’t belong. Here are some of them:

Where the “Hey—you suck” chant does not belong:

commencement

interventions

grief counseling

Where the “bullshit” chant does not belong:

paternity tests, unless you’re on Maury

custody hearings

Iranian elections

Where the “De-Fense” chant does not belong:

rape trials

the end of Remember the Titans

when asked: “What would you like me to paint?”

Where spirit/wiggling fingers don’t belong:

open heart surgery

communion

digital cancer amputee support group

Where jumping in unison does not belong:

when not doing synchronized diving

---