1216 Pine Street
Philadelphia, PA 19103
February 1, 2011
Mr. Harry Miller
Procter and Gamble Headquarters
1 Fishmonger Street
Alice, WI 53103
Dear Prospective Purchaser,
I extend to you my hand in hearty congratulations. Your receipt of this letter marks the day you made the wisest choice of your surely already-accomplished life. Today is the day where you acquire a valuable stock in the most revolutionary synthetic fiber Procter and Gamble has ever witnessed. Today is the day when you purchase part of Mandex Inc.
Do not be ashamed if you have not heard of Mandex yet, you will. Do not be fearful if you do not believe a synthetic fiber can change the world, you will. Do not think for a second you won’t write me a check for $60,000, you will. Mandex is made from a polyethylene nitrogen bicarbonate base that gives it its patented elasticity, buoyancy and intoxicating aroma. It has performed exceedingly well in a large variety of tests, including but not limited to stretch tests, wash tests, test tube babies, the SAT, durability tests, taste tests, Ron Artests, driving tests, and testicles. In all of these tests, Mandex demonstrated resounding resiliency and poise under pressure.
Mandex was spawned in an Indiana laboratory in 2007 when a group of middle aged male scientists, often subject to ridicule for wearing spandex, discovered a fuzzy protrusion on the hair follicle of a lab rat. The protrusion had qualities unlike those seen on any hair follicle up to that point. After successfully isolating the fuzzy protrusion, doctors decided to switch focus and killed a few cats. These cats were the early prototype for Mandex. Like its predecessor spandex, Mandex is a fabric that is comfortable and versatile, but, unlike spandex, Mandex looks normal. The trick is the kitten-polymer technology that was originally developed on the Space Shuttle Columbia. By categorically cataloging cataclysmic cathode cats, NASA was eventually able to make space suits that made the flabbiest gent look manly.
Attached, you will find a 5”x5” sample patch of the Mandex material in our best-selling color, green. Scientists obtained it by mixing yellow and blue. Please note the texture, thread count, and toughness of the Mandex and then try to tell me you don’t want to invest in it. Seriously, try and tell me that.
A.T. Piskai, C.F.O. Mandex Inc.