With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, we’re all just looking for a little lovin’ from that special guy/girl/four-legged animal. But in this fast-paced world of instant messaging and pre-grated cheese, most people have less than five minutes per day to speak to potential partners. So for all you time-crunched romantics out there, here are some poems that’ll make him/her/Scruffy swoon in no time!

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Or so they say
I can’t really tell ‘cause I have red-green color blindness
Yeah it’s kinda annoying but I’ve learned to deal with it
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Oh, little loveliest lady mine,
What shall I send for your valentine?
You’re allergic to chocolate, my songs drive you crazy,
Plus flowers cost money and I’m pretty lazy:
So, little loveliest lady of mine,
Here’s a coupon for sex for your valentine.
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I linger on your every inch
Your sumptuous brown skin
Those breasts, divine glories
Thighs, delicate yet strong
Your crispy, greasy wings
The most beautiful fried chicken I’ve ever seen
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Baby, baby, baby, ooooh
Like baby, baby, baby nooooo
Like baby, baby, baby ooooooh
Trust and respect are the foundations of a good relationship
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Shawty rockin apple bottoms, gotta flaunt it if you got ‘em
Twerkin, lockin, pussy poppin, now bitch got them panties droppin
Damn that ass was lookin fine, divine as fuck, she suckin mine
I tapped that ho, so did my dawgs, support the Vagina Monologues
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Uh, hey Cindy, I was just uh,
I was just wondering, y’know
If you don’t have anything going on this weekend
Maybe we could like go to Ruby Tuesday’s or something?

No, seriously, don’t worry about it
DAMMIT CINDY I SAID I’M FINE