WASHINGTON, DC – Washington, DC’s preternatural calm was disturbed Sunday night upon President Obama’s announcement of his impending sex change. The President broke the news to the nation on live television in a speech delivered from the White House.
“Look guys, I’m not going to let my position as the most powerful man in the world keep me from becoming the most powerful woman in the world.”
Obama’s decision would make him not only the first African-American to serve as president, but also the first woman. While many transgender activists have lauded his decision to undergo the transformation, some have questioned his motives. White House malcontents have been heard to grumble about Obama’s “greed” in establishing himself as so many “firsts.”
“Okay, we get it already, change – hasn’t he done enough?” Michigan senator Adam Feeney (D) was heard complaining to aides last night.
The most perturbed by the news, however, appears to be former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton. Upon hearing the news, the 66-year-old politician sprinted from the Capitol with remarkable agility and murder in her eyes, muttering “mine… my own” and tearing off her crimson pantsuit.
Clinton was last seen crawling down Pennsylvania Avenue screaming “he stole it from us, our precious” and wearing what appeared to be a poncho made out of an American flag. Anyone who has seen Clinton in the last 24 hours should call the city police at their earliest convenience.