Punch Bowl Staff

New Tasks at Wharton Behavioral Labs!

Interested in Wharton Behavioral Labs? Punchbowl correspondant Tiffany Pham gives us a compelling reason to volunteer!

Reach into your pocket/man-purse/satchel and grab your wallet. Open it. Look inside. It’s empty because you’re broke. And we all know that feeling. But you, yes YOU, never have to feel like that again if you join the masses of Penn students signing up for Wharton Behavioral Labs!

Just simply sign up online, show up, complete a few tests and tasks in a measly hour, and receive cold hard cash on the spot! And by cold hard cash, I mean $10. But that’s still technically more than minimum wage. How else do you think Donald Trump built his empire, anyway? By clicking the ‘next’ button at Wharton Behavioral Labs, of course!

Here are just a few things BHL has asked people to do:

  1. Prank-call Dean Furda. Record his response.
  2. Watch an ad for the Shake Weight. How does it make you feel?
  3. Write a short essay in 5 minutes about your rock bottom.
  4. Rip up half your essay into tiny little pieces.
  5. Crumple up the rest your essay and throw it at the nearest BHL participant. If they give you angry looks, you get an extra $2.
  6. Go to Wawa, buy 23 condoms, and throw them under the Button.
  7. Roll around under the Button. Just roll, collecting as much dirt as you can.
  8. Now eat the dirt. Answer 10 questions about how it made you feel.
  9. Tag as many college houses as possible with “BHL” in blue spray paint. You could earn an extra $5 if you find Gregory!
  10. Point under the glass at Commons, making sure to touch the hotdog buns.
  11. Imagine you are the one writing these tasks. That’s it. Note: No extra money will be awarded this session.
  12. Streak to 50th street and back to Huntsman. Note bystanders’ reactions.
  13. Pee on the Ben Franklin statue. Rate it from “satisfying” to “enthralling”
  14. Lick the Ben Franklin statue.
  15. Steal a clay tablet from Penn Museum of Archaeology. Rate the difficulty.
  16. Throw the clay tablet onto the compass. If the pieces point towards Huntsman, you get an extra $5!
  17. Fashion this piece of paper into a flower bouquet. Label it “for Amy G.”
  18. Seduce Amy Gutmann. On a scale of 1 to 10, how hard did you fail?
  19. Call Penn Walk and steal their bike.
  20. Use the bike to murder your first-born child.

Leave a Reply