DP’s Inorganic Seeding Outrages Vegan Society

PHILADELPHIA, PA – The Vegan Society was outraged this morning as they discovered how the Daily Pennsylvanian chose the seeding for its bracket challenge. According to some hard-hitting investigative journalism, the DP used a random generator for seeding.


Vegan Society President Jonathan Sprout (yes, that is his real name; no I did not make that up) said, “you know, there are so many better ways to pick seeds. One organic option would be to make the older clubs with more members to have a higher seed, while smaller, younger niche clubs, such as ourselves, have lower seeds. Better yet, you could have had a preliminary poll just to test the waters.”

Engineering sophomore Tracy Gatling commented, “Some of these first-round match-ups just make no sense. You got the IAA and Dhamaka facing each other. Those two are power-houses. Their constituencies are going to burn out immediately…I think the Vegan Society has a point.”

Sprout continued, “You know, I’m not really that mad. We’re going to take down any group that comes our way, whether it be Chinese a cappella or international students. Thanks for the publicity, though. Much like DP reporting, we’re going to continue to milk this controversy for all its worth.”

Leave a Reply