Today’s guest column is brought to you by freshman Claudia Hogan, who is a self-proclaimed expert on Penn’s Trading and Investment Titans Society (TITS).    

Amidst rumors of heavy cocaine abuse and insider trading, Wharton’s Trading and Investment Society (TIS) has made the decision to move off campus as a non-Penn affiliated organization. Although they have not yet made the official announcement, campus is abuzz with speculations as to how the first ever off-campus Wharton organization will turn out.

An inside source who wishes to remain anonymous reports that they were looking at years of reduced funding and stricter regulations if they stayed on campus. TIS asks the student body to respect their wish to keep this move under the radar for as long as possible as they finish deliberating; the source emphasizes that many members are hesitant to give up their Huntsman meeting room or the networking possibilities that come from being a registered organization on campus.

This move is looking more and more imminent as TIS members released their fling tank last weekend with the slogan “The Rise of TITS,” a new name that supposedly stands for “Trading and Investment Titans Society” although mainly have speculated that the new name is simply the easiest way to make their acronym edgier.