NSO In Review

The Punch Babies who attended the first Punch Bowl meeting recapped their NSO experiences, and we turned it into a column. If you too are interested in becoming a Punch Baby, Punch Boss, Punch Banker,  Punch Baller, Punch Bawler, or a Punch Brawler, email thepunchbowl@gmail.com

Things I Unintentionally Learned During NSO

  • Penn State probably parties harder than we do
  • Dining hall ladies can be salty(er than the food)
  • Free condoms everywhere
  • Must practice drunk Penn card swiping
  • 72 virgins is actually what you need to get into a frat party
  • Black out drunk is not a euphemism
  • Hell is actually spelled with an I, and pronounced “Hill”
  • There is a $50 fine for peeing on Ben Franklin
  • Urination doth not come without Taxation
  • Drexel exists
  • Everybody’s name twice
  • My roommates sexuality
  • Saying “I love the bloody tampons” is somehow not offensive
  • AP’s do not count for shit
  • Glee club can sing the Alma Mater every day all the time
  • People with high SAT scores are still mostly dipshits
  • There’s an a capella group for everyone (even Indo-Chinese folk dancers!)
  • “No experience necessary” = Experience necessary
  • No one looks good in a toga #sorryromans #sorryfratboys
  • The “Best By” date on the food at commons is not heeded
  • People who don’t wait to get MERTed are FAST
  • Raw eggs do not cure hangovers
  • Girth/length of roommate


Things Overheard at Move-In

  • “I wish I got accepted to Princeton”
  • “Mom I want to live in the Radian”
  • “Mom I want to live in Domus”
  • “Mom can I transfer to Princeton?”
  • “This is my bed. Oh you must be my roommate. Help your mother unpack. It’s a little small, but it’s cozy!”
  • “Have the minion carry my bags to Domus”
  • “Honey, what’s a BYO?“
  • “Honey, can I come with you to your club BYO?”
  • “Father, where’s my salmon coloured suit? “
  • “Does SHS carry Magnums?”
  • “4:1 is the new golden ratio”
  • “This Drexel filter is sick. Should’ve gone there amirite”
  • “Lack of air conditioning builds character”
  • “Oh is he the one from the Facebook group?”

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