The Punch Babies who attended the first Punch Bowl meeting recapped their NSO experiences, and we turned it into a column. If you too are interested in becoming a Punch Baby, Punch Boss, Punch Banker, Punch Baller, Punch Bawler, or a Punch Brawler, email thepunchbowl@gmail.com
Things I Unintentionally Learned During NSO
- Penn State probably parties harder than we do
- Dining hall ladies can be salty(er than the food)
- Free condoms everywhere
- Must practice drunk Penn card swiping
- 72 virgins is actually what you need to get into a frat party
- Black out drunk is not a euphemism
- Hell is actually spelled with an I, and pronounced “Hill”
- There is a $50 fine for peeing on Ben Franklin
- Urination doth not come without Taxation
- Drexel exists
- Everybody’s name twice
- My roommates sexuality
- Saying “I love the bloody tampons” is somehow not offensive
- AP’s do not count for shit
- Glee club can sing the Alma Mater every day all the time
- People with high SAT scores are still mostly dipshits
- There’s an a capella group for everyone (even Indo-Chinese folk dancers!)
- “No experience necessary” = Experience necessary
- No one looks good in a toga #sorryromans #sorryfratboys
- The “Best By” date on the food at commons is not heeded
- People who don’t wait to get MERTed are FAST
- Raw eggs do not cure hangovers
- Girth/length of roommate
Things Overheard at Move-In
- “I wish I got accepted to Princeton”
- “Mom I want to live in the Radian”
- “Mom I want to live in Domus”
- “Mom can I transfer to Princeton?”
- “This is my bed. Oh you must be my roommate. Help your mother unpack. It’s a little small, but it’s cozy!”
- “Have the minion carry my bags to Domus”
- “Honey, what’s a BYO?“
- “Honey, can I come with you to your club BYO?”
- “Father, where’s my salmon coloured suit? “
- “Does SHS carry Magnums?”
- “4:1 is the new golden ratio”
- “This Drexel filter is sick. Should’ve gone there amirite”
- “Lack of air conditioning builds character”
- “Oh is he the one from the Facebook group?”