Fruits have never seemed more important than now to our nation. A good source of fiber and simple sugars, maybe even some antioxidants, is essential in these trying times. I, personally, have often found myself fiber-deficient. The results, as you can imagine, are frequently catastrophic for my health and well-being.

I have been advised, on numerous conditions, to supplement my diet with some carbohydrates and Vitamin C. Pears, they say, are a good choice for this. I laugh, assuming they are telling a joke about some made-up fruit with these elusive benefits. But, I am becoming increasingly concerned that the pear exists.

I used all of the resources at my disposal: Google, the library, even the lines on my hand. None could define “pear” for me. Hopefully one day my struggles will be allayed, and I will benefit from this legendary pome fruit. Until then, I’ll have to keep eating hot cheetos.