In a not-so-stunning display of apathy, the Dean of the Wharton School has recently announced a new mandatory course for all students: WHAR 001- “Skills for Avoiding Homeless People on the Street.” This new development comes on the heels of recent criticism accusing Penn of “gentrifying” West Philadelphia at an alarming rate. 

When the Punch Bowl reached out to the Dean of the Wharton School for further comment, the Dean responded, “There is a need for students to learn how to interact with the underprivileged community of West Philly- meaning, of course, not at all.” 

This course will teach units such as, “Avoiding Eye Contact Like the Plague,” “Mumbling ‘Sorry Man,’” and “‘How to Not Feel Guilty When Holding Bags Full of Groceries.’” There is also a workshop on setting up Apple Pay to encourage students to shake the habit of carrying cash around. Now, when asked for spare change, students will not lying when they say, “Sorry, I don’t have any cash on me.”

The Dean explained, “We at Wharton think that in order for our students to be at the top tax bracket (which they will also learn how to evade), they need to avoid concerning themselves with the struggles of the less-fortunate.”

The Punch Bowl also sent reporters to reach out to victims of Penn’s gentrification and asked for their opinions on the course. A man camped in front of Smoke’s shared his thoughts, “For what it’s worth, we don’t like talking to Wharton students any more than they like talking to us.”

In a recent survey of student attitudes towards the new course, 84% of wharton students supported the decision, another 12% felt neutral, and the remaining 4% asked us to follow-up with their parents’ lawyers for comment.