At last, Turkey Day
Gonna kick back and relax
Wait, I go to Penn

Thanksgiving arrives
Time for hot reunion sex
with that chick from home

We killed the natives
This is America now
Time to eat and shop

I live in Cali
Thanks for hosting me this break
Your parents have booze

No longer hungry,
I’ve turkey out the wazoo
One more bite can’t hurt…

I’m going back home
Your parents won’t buy tickets
Forever alone.

Sweet potato pie
Covered in Indian blood
Is a tasty treat.

Stop eating so much
Ethiopians don’t have
Any Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving
My gerbil is fucking dead
Not thankful for shit.

That’s not a pilgrim.
That’s not a real Indian.
Who ordered strippers?

Guess what everyone!
Christmas bought out Thanksgiving.
Turkey for Jesus.

New Thanksgiving facts:
Turkey gives you food to eat.
It gives you AIDs too.

Happy Thanksgiving!
Tonight we ordered Chinese.
Have you seen my cat?

I need to tell you
Dad, I think I might be gay.
Pass the yams Grandma.

So much yummy food.
Very glad we have enough.
I’m eating for two.

I wish that more films
Could be about Thanksgiving
Sean Penn’s I Am Yam.

We named our turkey
After our favorite drug lord
Sollozzo the Turk

There’s a TV Show
About potato people
From the Seventies

A doctor sitcom.
Taking place in Korea
The show is called M*A*S*H*E*D.

Home for Thanksgiving!
Hold on, this isn’t my house
These people will do.

The new tradition:
Patriots versus Redskins
To settle the score.

I’ve eaten so much
Months of wasted exercise
Now my chins have chins.

Smothered in butter
And filled with breadcrumb stuffing
This stripper is gross.

Whats the turkey dump?
Thanksgiving, couples break up
at least she has yams.

A bowl full of bread
Stuffing makes no sense to me
Douse it in gravy.

Whiskey glazed turkey;
When do I get my phone call?
Prison Thanksgiving.

We brought America,
Western Civilization.
Hooray for smallpox!

Grandpa is sleeping
he always eats too much food.
Wait a sec…he’s dead.

Deep-fried the turkey
Skin so golden and crispy
Housefire not dead.

Thanksgiving at Penn
I’m the only white person
Peking turkey lunch.

It gobble gobbles
It has a big dangly neck
It is Uncle Gregg.

Thank God for world peace,
and clean energy, and..wait,
None of that exists.

Russians. Pilgrim garb.
The Rubinchik family.
Take it or leave it.

Squanto gave us corn,
we gave his people disease.
Sounds like a fair trade.

Food-induced coma
Somebody call a doctor
But first, pumpkin pie.

I know why we’re here,
To give thanks for blessings, so
Shut the fuck up, Dad.