WASHINGTON – Defying allegations that he would diminish the role of science and technology in his administration, President Donald Trump hired a team of elite computer scientists to code the system of White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer.

“Spicer will be dealing with some situations, you know, the media, and so I have hired the best — I mean the absolute best, they’re the best, the best — in dealing with what are these computers?  OK, computers.  They’re important I think.  I have the best.  I know I have the best.  Sean Spicer will be the best computer out there,” Trump said.

The scientists explained that, while the actual coding will be easy, they are uncertain that they can handle Spicer’s maintenance.  “We’re worried that his system might break down from the 35 bars of cinnamon Orbit he consumes each day, and we’re discussing the possibility of bringing in a couple of engineers better suited to handle that problem.” Dr. Phillip Holmes, the project’s lead coder, said.  

“However, all we really have to program him to do is say whatever Trump enters in a simple, user-friendly interface, and then include an “if” clause leading him to reference ‘fake news’ whenever he is asked a question.”