Guys, I’m Moving to Venus!

So apparently “they” (scientists? NASA? Our reptilian overlords?) found some gases on Venus that are not supposed to be there. I forget what the gas is called but basically it’s often a byproduct of living things. Also, the gas should not normally be there, based on what chemicals are present on the planet. So basically, there’s probably life on Venus! Seems like good odds in my unprofessional opinion. I can’t believe we wasted all that time on Mars… 


So yeah, I’m moving to Venus now. I emailed Elon Musk asking when I can get a ticket and when the first flights will be. I also thought to ask if, since we’re both Penn students/alum, maybe he could give me some priority. He hasn’t responded yet but don’t worry, I’m sure he will soon!


Now, I know Venus is a volcanic wasteland with quite a bit of lava so it looks like shorts, t-shirts and maybe a light jacket just in case. Also, I packed an inflatable pool cause they don’t really have oceans there (it’s all water vapor). Also if anyone could recommend a good brand of thermos that could keep my iced-tea cool in 880 degree weather, that would be great! 


So I’ll be leaving any minute now, with Elon Musk, to abandon the stresses of life on Earth and start a new life on Venus. Feel free to visit!

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