How to Make Your Paper “Submitted and Readable”

The big deadline is coming up, and you have no clue what to write. Our staff breaks down the 24 simple steps to make your paper submitted and readable:

  1. Find the HORNIEST reviewer at the Marks Family Writing Center and ask them for help. 🥵
  2. Type that shit in Wingdings.
  3. ⧫︎⍓︎◻︎♏︎ ⧫︎♒︎♋︎⧫︎ ⬧︎♒︎♓︎⧫︎ ♓︎■︎ ⬥︎♓︎■︎♑︎♎︎♓︎■︎♑︎⬧︎
  4. Better yet, type that shit in emojis.
  5. 🍒🍑🍆🌮💦😱
  6. Pick it up at a bar.
  7. Buy it a drink.
  8. Tell it it’s been a very good little paper. #roleplay
  9. Write it in a foreign language. Your professor can’t understand it? Xenophobia!
  10. Resist the urge be a dominant and infertile writer.
  11. Gift it a pretty title. 🎁
  12. * insert image here *
  13. Use Comic Sans for every other paragraph.
  14. Write it slooooowly. ✋
  15. Wait to double space it until you’re just about to finish.
  16. Finish it in the stacks of Van Pelt or a GSR. Nobody has to know. 🤫
  17. “Accidentally” submit the fanfic you wrote of your professor and send an email to apologize for the mistake…haha,,, jk,,,unless? 👀
  18. Speak French between the lines of text.
  19. Read the “Elements of Style” at least four times.
  20. “Grammarly allows me to get those communications out and feel confident that I’m putting my best foot forward. Grammarly is like a little superpower, especially when I need to be at 110%.” –Jeanette Stock
  21. Type it in cursive. 😉
  22. Voice-to-Text it with a bad British accent. 🇬🇧
  23. 11.9 Times Old Roman, 1.8 Spaced.
  24. Ask it nicely. Please?
This image was so cursed that we had to bring it back.

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