The big deadline is coming up, and you have no clue what to write. Our staff breaks down the 24 simple steps to make your paper submitted and readable:
- Find the HORNIEST reviewer at the Marks Family Writing Center and ask them for help. 🥵
- Type that shit in Wingdings.
- ⧫︎⍓︎◻︎♏︎ ⧫︎♒︎♋︎⧫︎ ⬧︎♒︎♓︎⧫︎ ♓︎■︎ ⬥︎♓︎■︎♑︎♎︎♓︎■︎♑︎⬧︎
- Better yet, type that shit in emojis.
- 🍒🍑🍆🌮💦😱
- Pick it up at a bar.
- Buy it a drink.
- Tell it it’s been a very good little paper. #roleplay
- Write it in a foreign language. Your professor can’t understand it? Xenophobia!
- Resist the urge be a dominant and infertile writer.
- Gift it a pretty title. 🎁
- * insert image here *
- Use Comic Sans for every other paragraph.
- Write it slooooowly. ✋
- Wait to double space it until you’re just about to finish.
- Finish it in the stacks of Van Pelt or a GSR. Nobody has to know. 🤫
- “Accidentally” submit the fanfic you wrote of your professor and send an email to apologize for the mistake…haha,,, jk,,,unless? 👀
- Speak French between the lines of text.
- Read the “Elements of Style” at least four times.
- “Grammarly allows me to get those communications out and feel confident that I’m putting my best foot forward. Grammarly is like a little superpower, especially when I need to be at 110%.” –Jeanette Stock
- Type it in cursive. 😉
- Voice-to-Text it with a bad British accent. 🇬🇧
- 11.9 Times Old Roman, 1.8 Spaced.
- Ask it nicely. Please?
