Lauder College House Unveils Anti-Wrinkle Serum Giant as Mascot

After years of resenting Ware College House’s “Warewolf,” Lauder College House is finally choosing a mascot of its own: a giant anthropomorphic bottle of Estée Lauder anti-wrinkle serum.

College house leadership held a welcome ceremony on Saturday for “Laudie,” where they gave residents goodie bags of Advanced Night Repair serum and Pleasures perfume. The selection committee chair reportedly chose Estée Lauder’s “Perfectionist” serum for the mascot’s body in order to honor LCH residents’ crippling perfectionism.

Laudie will make appearances at all future dorm events and has already caught the attention of Penn mascot Chad the Quaker. A close source says discussions of a campus mascot dating show are underway.

A Lauder College House poll conducted Tuesday also finds that 8 out of 10 residents already see a diminished appearance of their fine lines and dark spots in the three days after Laudie’s arrival.

“Just look at our skin,” said Dr. Progresso Greene, Lauder’s Faculty Director. “We’re freaking immortal!”

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