10 Things Safer than the High Rise Elevators

There is nothing that bonds strangers together quite like the tacit understanding that you may likely all plummet to your harrowing death at any second. Such a social contract exists between those brave passengers standing uncomfortably close together in the elevators of the High Rises.

Here are 10 things that have been proven safer than taking an elevator ride in Harnwell, Harrison, or Rodin:

  1. Bathing while using a blow-dryer
  2. Driving while both blindfolded and intoxicated
  3. Unprotected sex
  4. Telling a Wharton kid that ECON001 is harder than ECON010
  5. Walking home alone at night while having a uterus
  6. Chugging gasoline
  7. Initiating a makeout sesh with a crocodile
  8. Telling an empowered woman that “it wouldn’t hurt to smile every now and then”
  9. Egging on hate preachers on Locust
  10. Lighting yourself on fire

So, this isn’t to suggest that you take the stairs up 21 flights, but it’s also not not to suggest that either. As with entering haunted houses or UberPools (god forbid!), enter at your own risk.

Leave a Reply