With spring break (spring stay? Spring leave anyway?) officially over, it’s time to start thinking about next semester, because it isn’t really Penn if you aren’t obsessing over things at least 7 months in advance.

You may have noticed however that on good ol’ PennIn Touch, class start times are a little different this year. Many classes will be starting at 15 minutes past and before the hour.

“I thought it was a typo at first. God, I wish it was a typo,” said Ryan Allen (C’23) who has OCD.

No Ryan, it most certainly wasn’t.

One of the reasons behind Penn’s new block scheduling was to ensure that students would have 15 minutes in between classes now. This should make students happy of course, as the extra five minutes between classes will surely be the difference between having a mental breakdown and being secure with oneself, #selfcare.

“It will also hopefully eliminate the need for motorized scooters, reducing Penn’s carbon footprint,” said Penn’s environmental chairmen Emily Grass.

“Speaking of carbon footprint, we at The Punch Bowl have been wondering, does Penn plan on completely stopping investing in fossil fuels anytime – oh… she left.”

Penn professors are also excited about the change.

“There is always so much we can’t cover in our classes because we don’t want to overload our students with homework, knowing how important their mental health is,” said biology professor P. Lant Sell. “But now that they have this extra time, we can afford to give them more work to do!”

“It would only be like, an extra 10 minutes of work per week, we’re not monsters,” said English professor Will Shakes. “You know just like another one to two hundred pages of reading.”

See? This change is going to be great for everyone! We’re looking forward to it, and you should too.