Your Crush Is Hot. You Crush Is Smart. There’s Just *ONE* Red Flag. 🚩🚩🚩

Your crush has a jawline carved by God and the career plans of someone who might actually make money one day. But there’s just one catch 50 major problems…

  1. He uses too 🤪😉 many 🥵🥴 emojis. 🍆🤡
  2. She writes “p*nn” in her Twitter bio.
  3. They still drink milk every morning. 🥛
  4. His role model for picking up dates is Pete Fucking Davidson.
  5. They write “Wharton” in their Tinder bio.
  6. She’s moving to become an ambassador to Germany. 🇩🇪
  7. He’s not a real person and actually just a default Sim.
  8. They don’t have an anime body pillow.
  9. His job is wearing a MAGA hat and loitering outside Huntsman Hall.
  10. He posts pictures with fish. 🐠
  11. She wears her mask under her nose.
  12. He doesn’t think the Great Depression was, “that bad.” 🥲
  13. They’re actually just an overgrown iPad kid.
  14. He wears his baseball cap backwards so you can’t even see which baseball team he cares about…keep your secrets, asshole.
  15. They unironically add 😂 after every sentence. 😂
  16. He sparkles in the sunlight. ✨
  17. You’re related…but it’s okay, because you’re both from Kentucky. (For legal reasons, please note that our staff member from Kentucky approves this message.)
  18. He’s proper fit but 100% not your type on paper.
  19. She’s obsessed with this emoji: 😔😔😔
  20. They’re under 5’12″.
  21. Her favorite part of Saturday Night Live is the host’s opening monologue.
  22. They take the DP a little *too* seriously.
  23. She wrote that OAX spreadsheet…
  24. …And she rated you as “27 shots.” 🥃
  25. He takes you to Allegro’s for your first date. 
  26. They cried while watching a Tyler, the Creator music video.
  27. Your astrological signs aren’t compatible. ♋️
  28. She downloaded the Costar app. 
  29. He uses 5-in-1 body wash.
  30. They’re your professor. 👓
  31. He religiously quotes South Park.
  32. Her ideal man is Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory. 🪐
  33. He’s a little too interested in WWII.
  34. She can’t get over the fall of the Roman Empire.
  35. They have the plague. Not COVID. The Bubonic Plague.
  36. She wears white Nike Air Forces. 👟
  37. He runs with an arm band??
  38. She’s in love with Mitch McConnell. 🐢
  39. He’s really just four Wendell Princhetts in a trench coat. 🧥
  40. They think Imagine Dragons is “alternative” music.
  41. He’s the Quaker mascot.
  42. They wear the neck sleeve gaiter thingy instead of a KN95.
  43. She’s a self-proclaimed, “complex female character.”
  44. He’s an overheating computer.
  45. They go to Cornell?
  46. He loved The Joker prequel.
  47. They smoke just a little too much…420 times per day. 🍃
  48. His favorite bands are Weezer or AJR. Unironically.
  49. They read U***r t** B****n. 🤢
  50. Nothing! You can fix them!!!!!!!

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