Your crush has a jawline carved by God and the career plans of someone who might actually make money one day. But there’s just one catch 50 major problems…
- He uses too 🤪😉 many 🥵🥴 emojis. 🍆🤡
- She writes “p*nn” in her Twitter bio.
- They still drink milk every morning. 🥛
- His role model for picking up dates is Pete Fucking Davidson.
- They write “Wharton” in their Tinder bio.
- She’s moving to become an ambassador to Germany. 🇩🇪
- He’s not a real person and actually just a default Sim.
- They don’t have an anime body pillow.
- His job is wearing a MAGA hat and loitering outside Huntsman Hall.
- He posts pictures with fish. 🐠
- She wears her mask under her nose.
- He doesn’t think the Great Depression was, “that bad.” 🥲
- They’re actually just an overgrown iPad kid.
- He wears his baseball cap backwards so you can’t even see which baseball team he cares about…keep your secrets, asshole.
- They unironically add 😂 after every sentence. 😂
- He sparkles in the sunlight. ✨
- You’re related…but it’s okay, because you’re both from Kentucky. (For legal reasons, please note that our staff member from Kentucky approves this message.)
- He’s proper fit but 100% not your type on paper.
- She’s obsessed with this emoji: 😔😔😔
- They’re under 5’12″.
- Her favorite part of Saturday Night Live is the host’s opening monologue.
- They take the DP a little *too* seriously.
- She wrote that OAX spreadsheet…
- …And she rated you as “27 shots.” 🥃
- He takes you to Allegro’s for your first date.
- They cried while watching a Tyler, the Creator music video.
- Your astrological signs aren’t compatible. ♋️
- She downloaded the Costar app.
- He uses 5-in-1 body wash.
- They’re your professor. 👓
- He religiously quotes South Park.
- Her ideal man is Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory. 🪐
- He’s a little too interested in WWII.
- She can’t get over the fall of the Roman Empire.
- They have the plague. Not COVID. The Bubonic Plague.
- She wears white Nike Air Forces. 👟
- He runs with an arm band??
- She’s in love with Mitch McConnell. 🐢
- He’s really just four Wendell Princhetts in a trench coat. 🧥
- They think Imagine Dragons is “alternative” music.
- He’s the Quaker mascot.
- They wear the neck sleeve gaiter thingy instead of a KN95.
- She’s a self-proclaimed, “complex female character.”
- He’s an overheating computer.
- They go to Cornell?
- He loved The Joker prequel.
- They smoke just a little too much…420 times per day. 🍃
- His favorite bands are Weezer or AJR. Unironically.
- They read U***r t** B****n. 🤢
- Nothing! You can fix them!!!!!!!
[…] the attention of Penn mascot Chad the Quaker. A close source says discussions of a campus mascot dating show are […]