Our annual Thanksgiving tradition is back!










Marshmallows gone stale
Rock hard on sweet potatoes
It’s better that way.
Three lines are in this
Thanksgiving haiku, like the
Number of Try Guys.
Thanks to the Phillies
Throwing the World Series
Just cancel classes.
I met a female
Turkey with a lovely name.
Anne Al? I ate her.
Wrote this in Huntsman.
The Wharton men all scare me
Consulting clubs: Gone!
David Rittenhouse
(read the next line as British)
Laboratory.
What have you done mom?
Where’s my infinity scarf?
I need it so bad!
No! Turn off the game.
The Eagles are playing, and
We just fixed the screen.
Wharton Business Law:
Only important club here.
Consulting? Big L.
Four cups of coffee,
Three hours sleep, two pounds sugar
Going ‘til I collapse.
Quit quiet quitting
Just keep grinding hard this break.
Mental health is fake.
Nutella on toast,
Carrots, peanuts, month-old cheese
A feast fit for kings.
Baking a turkey?
Too hard, no thanks, not today.
I’m beating my meat.
Happy Friendsgiving
The good Southern Christian way:
Cook, fuck, eat, pray, love
McKinsey case prep:
Estimate the value of
This cranberry sauce.
Dining hall hours
Because they make total sense
Yup, I eat at six!
2022 Midterms
Politics at the Table
Where were you Jan. 6th?
Dinner on the lawn
of Pres. Liz Magill’s mansion
What’s the WiFi code?
Guess who’s coming home!
It’s your stupid step-daughter.
She’ll never love you.
For three hundred coins
Get free turkey at ACME
So, buy four items?
Four years of Haikus
Burnt out. But not as burnt out
As Auntie’s turkey.
Short, green, and skinny.
That’s why I call my penis:
Green Bean Casserole
Daylight Savings? Cuz
What are we saving, bitches?!??!
Not my mental health.
Disney Adults, Rise!
A Florida Thanksgiving.
Gators like turkey.
Who ate the turkey?
“It’s me. Hi. I’m the problem.
It’s me.” -Taylor Swift.
My Penn essay was
Pro-activism. Now I’m in
Investment banking.
Wonder why I’m here.
Inflated my resume
Don’t tell the table.
My BeReal today?
A selfie on my side while
Grandpa tackles dad.
Isn’t this my day off?
And yet I’m still on Canvas.
Assignments go brrr.
I’d be grateful if
There was a John Fetterman
Macy’s Day balloon.
NO WORK DUE THIS BREAK
KNOW YOUR ACADEMIC RIGHTS
CARSON SHEUMAKER!
Friendsgiving potluck.
Barry cooks the bird. I bring
A dead mouse; caught fresh.
Turkey is not the
Only thing with a right wing:
Gran loves Donald Trump
Y’all sleep on me like
People in FFP tents.
I’m pro climate change.
r/upenn mod
Removed my turkey day rant.
This is oppression.
Philly sports fans eat
Disappointment for dinner
With a side of hope
Leaving the table.
Play, “Mmmm whatcha say” for me
Like in Gossip Girl.
Sidechat posts asking
“Yo, anyone throwing tn?”
Answer: “Yeah, your mom.”
Have no dining plan?
On campus this thanksgiving?
Squirrels for dinner.
Sweet potatoes with
Marshmallows is a dessert
Face the facts. [Gunshots].
Moderna boosters,
Pfizer boosters, where is my
Self-esteem booster?
My Ratatouille:
Story of the squirrel who
Does all my homework.
“Philadelphia
Rotisserie Chicken Man”
Eats FORTY turkeys.
Philly Chicken Man
He clucked around and found out
Clucking impressive
Somebody put booze
in the Thanksgiving gravy
I really don’t mind.
She sucking my toes
She fondlin’ my potatoes
She finna mash them.
Thanksgiving haikus,
Are the peak of comedy
No further questions.
Buying onion salt
From Trader Joe’s. This is my
Pilgrimage. Amen.
Whipped Sweet Potatoes
BDSM Thanksgiving
CBT Cornbread
What is this new spice
In the Thanksgiving turkey?
It’s grandma’s ashes.
Please send me some help!
I’m locked inside Huntsman Hall
F50…Please help.
The gravy on the
Fulmer family table:
Yung Gravy -> Ariel
Balcony tix? Nah,
I finna be in the pit.
Turning on the bird
Mariah Carey!
I hear her in the distance
As thanksgiving ends.