“Save room for Jesus!”: Principal Criticizes CDC’s New Spacing Guidelines

The principal of a private Christian school is dismayed by the CDC’s decision to reduce the amount of space between students from six feet to three.

Following the CDC’s announcement, Tallahassee’s Blessed Heart Academy released a statement criticizing the new rules.

“There’s a disease even more concerning than coronavirus,” wrote Blessed Heart’s principal, Jason Dallas. “It’s called failing to wait until marriage.”

Last fall, Blessed Heart capitalized on the CDC’s social distancing guidelines to enforce a Save Room for Jesus Policy. That is, all students had to leave enough room for a hypothetical Jesus Christ to lay down between them. Though a school-wide mask ban led to 85% of students contracting COVID-19, administrators were pleased that student dating fell to an all-time low.

“As a Christian principal of Christian principles, I consider last fall a success,” Dallas told the Pennsylvania Punch Bowl. “We can’t afford to reduce our distancing to three feet: that’s only half a Jesus!”

Though vaccines may become available to children this fall, Blessed Heart has not yet committed to a future immunization requirement.

“When the time comes, I’ll listen to what God or Ron DeSantis tell me,” Dallas said. “For now, I’m just not sure that I like the idea of showing shoulders and engaging in penetration.”


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